Put the screen down: How to unplug your plugged in family

This post has been rattling around in my mind for the better part of a year. I have felt convicted and then felt judgey.  I have felt all the feels and so I always went back to just not writing it, but here I am again, revisiting this because a Facebook friend inspired me with this post she wrote on her personal page this morning.

"We showed up early for an appointment yesterday. Another family was in the same room. The boy, about 8, on his DS. Each parent on their phones. To kill time, I taught the Ewok how to make a "cootie catcher" and we spent 20 minutes counting, spelling, reading "you get to vacuum your room!", "You are smart!", "You are a good friend" etc. Mainly we laughed. He kept looking over at the other family, trying to catch their eyes and engage them. None of them looked up, at him or each other.

I wanted to tell them to come out here with us. Be curious. Engage. Have fun. But I also know that if we had a kid that could have screens, we could've been them, at that moment."

This. It was this. I will say that I tend to fall in the camp of the more conservative when it comes to screen time. I have a background in child development and I truly believe that children learn what they live.

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Teen cell phone contract

Inside: a practical teen cell phone contract to help your kids be responsible and give you peace of mind. 


Have you gotten your teenager a cell phone? Are you worried about what that will mean for them or for you? The research doesn't help ease any of our minds. My oldest son Aidan, feels like he is the last kid on earth without a cell phone. In order to help him (and by "him" I mean us, his parents). We decided to come up with a teen cell phone contract. Let's be honest parents, no matter how old they get they will always be our kids. It is our responsibility to help them embrace new responsibilities while giving them the proper protection.

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Why a Teen Cellphone Contract

Next month our son will be 14.  He's starting his freshman year of High School in just a few weeks. Aidan is a great kid.  He loves making music and plays guitar but his passion is being a drummer. Proud Mom video below:

Aidan rockin' out on drums with some other kids to Kryptonite at The Swiss in Tacoma
Aidan is starting to get busier with school activities. He played baseball last year, he's taking on leadership roles at school and has been playing on our worship team at church and will be playing on the youth worship team during youth group.   While I know that Aidan isn't the last teenager his age without a cell phone, I do realize most kids his age do have access to their own phone. 

Parenting in a Digital Age

Loving parents don't just allow their kids to do whatever everyone else is doing. Whether it is clothing, media, or activities we need to decide if each thing is something that should be objected or embraced. When we were teenagers, the landline was still the primary means of communication (even all you cool kids with beepers still had to find a phone). The biggest questions parents had was do they allow call-waiting, three-way calls, or gasp - even a dedicated line for their teenager. Today is different than when we were teenagers. Texting has become the primary means of communication with kids now. And while we don't want technology to rule our life, we realize that we need to embrace what it has become in our culture so that our son is able to effectively communicate with his peers. With this in mind, we decided to let our son get a cell phone for his 14th birthday.

How We Created our Teen Cell Phone Contract

My husband and I try to parent very consciously. Making a cell phone contract for our teen where we laid out all of the rules and expectations seemed like the most logical first step.   I am not one that likes to reinvent the wheel, and really the internet has nearly everything. Because of this, I assumed I could find a perfectly written, well fitting, teen cell phone contract out there somewhere in the great world wide web.   I did not. So, my husband and I sat down together, spent several hours brainstorming, writing and rewriting, then reviewing the details with our son. Then we did some more rewriting and came up with the following cell phone contract. Since I was searching for something like this on the internet, I know many other parents might be too, so I wanted to share it with you. Please pin this and share it with others.  Feel free to copy and paste the following contract and make changes to it to fit your family life. You may click on the title and it will take you to a google document page where it is written, and then request that I send you the file.   

Our Teen Cell Phone Contract

Cell Phone Contract

I know that having a cell phone to use is a privilege. I understand that my parents love me and want to keep me safe. My parents respect that I am becoming a young adult and want the privilege of having the use of a cell phone. With that in mind, I agree that:

1. My cell phone must be turned off by my bedtime and placed in an agreed upon location downstairs.  It is my responsibility to be sure the cell phone is being charged when necessary.
2. During family meals, my cell phone will be turned off or silenced and in my pocket or placed away from the table.  I will not check texts or take calls during meal time.
3. I will practice proper etiquette when using my cell phone in public places, and be conscious of how my usage affects those around me. I will make sure my phone is turned off or silenced when I am in church, restaurants, or other quiet settings, and I will not place or take texts or calls during those times.
4. I understand that having a cell phone is a means of communication, and is not a replacement for actual face to face interaction with my friends and family members.  Therefore, when I am with others, I will make the people I am with my priority.
5. I understand that I am responsible for knowing where my cell phone is and for keeping it in good working condition.
6. I will obey all rules my school has regarding cell phones usage on school grounds.
7. I will never text while driving, and will not ride in a car with someone who does.
8. I will not use my cell phone to take pictures or video of nudity, violence or other unlawful activity.
9. I will not use my cell phone for malicious purposes, i.e. bullying, spreading rumors/gossip, etc, nor will I send text messages that are vulgar, obscene, or sexual in nature.  I understand that such messages are both highly inappropriate and potentially illegal.
10. I will alert my parents if I receive suspicious or alarming phone calls or text messages.
11. I will alert my parents if I am being harassed by someone via my cell phone.
12. I understand that my parents can go through the contents of my phone at any time, with or without my knowledge.  I agree to surrender my cell phone immediately to my parents if asked.  I will not delete my texting history without permission, and I will fully cooperate in showing my parents the contents of my cell phone, including contacts, pictures, videos, text messages, etc, stored within.
13. I will always respond to my mom or dad’s texts/calls as soon as possible in the given situation.
14. When at home, I will use the home phone to make calls. I understand that I do not have unlimited calling and that each call is charged by the minute.  I will be responsible in my cell phone call usage when outside the house.
15. I understand that my cell phone may be taken away for failing to complete school assignments or homework and for failing to maintain a sufficient grade point average, as defined by my parents.
16. I understand that my cell phone may be taken away for disrespectful or disobedient behavior, including (but not limited to) back talking, inappropriate sibling interactions (i.e. fighting, hitting, name calling, etc.), and failure to complete responsibilities at home when asked or required.
17. I understand that failure to follow and respect any of these rules can result in the loss of my cell phone for any length of time determined by my parents.

So what do you think?  We are new at this whole cell phone thing.   Do you think we left anything out?
Please feel free to use the above, but it's bad ju ju if you don't give credit where credit is due.  Feel free to share it with your schools, shout it from the rooftops, print it out and pass it out, just make sure you credit rachelteodoro.com so that people know where to find it. Thanks!
UPDATE: My son now has a smart phone. See how we updated the teen cell phone contract here.

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